What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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