The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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