No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
