and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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