Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
