***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
