we're blogging at a bar
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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