pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
