You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
