I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
