There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I am available for nakedness
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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