hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This baby is an asshole
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
