Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
