I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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