Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
