did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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