Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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