Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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