I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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