Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
