bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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