Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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