we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
