i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
