i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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