My liver just broke up with me...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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