You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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