I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
