I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
