Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
