I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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