Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
