Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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