I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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