Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
