she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
