Heybabeimwearingurpanties
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
