you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
