I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
