I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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