I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
