I want you more than these girls want KFC
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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