You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
