It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
