I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
