My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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