my shit smells like andre
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
