Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
