The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
