i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
