I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
