he wants to bone in the snuggie
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
