After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's shark week go big or go home
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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