4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
