Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
