East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
