he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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