I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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