I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
