she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
