Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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