Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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