Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
