Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
