No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
